The Worth of My Soul
by SilverAgnes
Summary: She was just a simple girl who carried heavy burdens on her shoulders. But her life seemed to get more complicated when death came upon. She wasn't so simple now, but the burdens remained. OC/Self-insert


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach nor it's characters. Tite Kubo does.**

Searching for Beta.

Hello you cuties! ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

I uploaded this story yesterday, but due to my excitement I missed more than a few mistakes and wasn't satisfied with this chapter, so I fixed all mistakes that I could find and rewrote certain parts.

Hope you enjoy it!

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It was an ordinary day. If I remember correctly, it was July 13th, Saturday, the middle of the summer. Time where all teenagers were having fun and were cheerily savouring their youth.

Quite irronicaly, I wasn't one those teenagers, but when I finally decided that it was finally the time for me to become one, it happened.

I suppose that was to be expected.

My 'friends', as I sarcastically called them in my head, were very enthusiastic to finally try that magnificent thing called 'rock jumping'.

We were young, inexpierenced in such activities, but had such self-confident spirits, that we weren't afraid of anything.

And I was just a quiet, too mature for her age unfortunate soul that liked the feeling of adrenaline pumping through her veins, and decided that it was a good idea to jump first and think later. Of course the desition wasn't all mine, alcohol that I consumed helped too, but as mentioned too-mature-for-her-age, I surely acted recklessly and jumped without a second thought.

The feeling of adrenaline was as intoxicating as alcohol, and all I wanted to do was drown in it.

But as I fell into the water with a splash, I somehow felt fear. Fear that was more stronger than all adrenaline and alcohol, fear that was stronger than anything I felt before.

I suddenly remembered why such fear was possible, but I was pulled out of my musings when I needed to swim to the surface, but my body didn't react.

Fear that settled in my gut paralysed my whole being, and all I could do was think of _her. _Then my Biology teacher's words started to echo in my head.

_'Drowning is death caused by suffocation when a liquid causes interruption of the body's absorption of oxygen from the air leading to asphyxia. The primary cause of death is hypoxia and acidosis leading to cardiac arrest.'_

After half-a-minute I really started suffocating, my body still doesn't moving as I sank deeper and deeper into the dark blue abyss.

I think I was lucky that I had slipped into unconsciousness and saved my body from further suffering.

Blackness slowly but surely overwhelmed me.

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I believed in God. I didn't really know why, maybe because my sometimes really irritating grandmother hammered the religion into my head, or just because I found believing more of a grand thing than not believing. It was somewhat easier to think that something was there above, and I wasn't a girl that liked complicated things.

So now, as I saw darkness and darkness, and woah.. Was there more darkness?

I desperately wanted to not lose faith in God.

In the past minute, hour, or maybe an year (I didn't really feel time passing in the dark space), I was loudly and urgently screaming my lungs out to my so believed God, so that he could finally take me out of the darkness and carry me to a place full of rainbows and unicorns and whatever.

But no such thing happened and I was still floating in the dark space.

There was nothing in there. I wasn't even sure if I was there.

Maybe I was just dreaming?

The thought was ripped out of my head when sudden light started to burn my vision. All I wanted to do was say 'Dude, you are really late', but I wasn't met with a sacred face of God or an angel, I was met with was a sensation of being pulled out of my new dark home and thrown into a really light place.

I stumbled slightly and fell down onto the ground.

Wait.

_Ground?.._

I opened my eyes and to my relief I certainly saw land under my face. With uncertainty I tried to get up, only to fall back onto the solid ground. After several such tries I finally managed to get up on my feet. As I looked around, squinting my eyes, I saw huge trees all around me and fiery sun streaking through them.

So..

Was this heaven?

After a moment, I finally stopped staring at the gigantic trees and decided to explore this heavenly place. The grass under my bare feet felt strangely soft and easy to walk on. After about half a hour of walking I stopped once again to find that I was finally out of the forest. And what I saw was _wow_. Vast fields full of beautiful flowers and a river down the hill that I was apparently standing on took my breath away .

Then and there, just for a second, I was reaching the conclussion that this was, indeed, heaven.

Feeling a little thirsty after my short trip (was I supposed to feel thirsty in heaven?), I started to move towards the river. Once I reached it, I wasn't wasting my time to scoop handfuls of water and drink it like a wild cow. Finally calming down I sat on the river bank, collecting my thoughts.

I died, huh?. And I drowned?.. Was this some kind of cruel joke?

Slithly uncertain, I stood up and walked to the clear river.

The same face, the same rat's nest of a hair, and was that a yukata?

Why the hell was I wearing white and plain Japanese yukata?

I know I was clearly obsessed with Japan, but my parents didn't burry me in a Japanese yukata, did they?

I was a Christian for God's sake! What were they thinking?

Sighting and with a shake of my head I started walking once again.

Those magnificent fields of vast flowers that I mentioned earlier was already making my walking a pain in the ass. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to go, but I thought that smart thing at the moment was to go back on that hill and have a good look at this place before moving once more.  
Once I reached it and once again squinted my shortsighted eyes, I saw a something that looked similar to a village.

Already having my destination in mind, I moved once again.

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After a gruesome fight with 'magnificent flowers' on the way to civilization, I finally reached the place where I hoped to find some people.

And I found them. People who looked more like half-dead wandering souls. After getting a better look at the place I stumbled upon, it looked like a godforsaken Japanese style ghost town.

Oh miracles of afterlife.

Feeling really awkward when I felt intrusive gazes burning into my back, I hugged my torso and proceeded to walk down the filthy street. After a moment I quickened my pace. After another moment I started running.

This wasn't heaven. It couldn't have been. I was so utterly stupid.. How could a person like me go to heaven?

But then what was this?

As the thoughts swirled in my head, I ran as if my life depended on it. I ran through yet another field, yet another forest, and after hours of non-stop running I just collapsed from exhaustion.

Everything went black once again.

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When I woke up, I felt quite comfortable and warm. Not wanting to ruin the precious moment, I was ready to turn around and get to sleep once again. But then I remembered that the place I had fell asleep ( unconscious? ) wasn't warm or comfortable.

As the panic started to swirl in my head, I cautiously opened one eye. It was quite dark, and the only source of light was a thing that looked like a fireplace. Once I opened my second eye, I saw that the place I was possibly brought in was a simple and small hut.

Carefully getting up to a sitting position, I turned my head to the left.

And stilled.

There was a man, casually sitting on a wooden chair and watching me like a hawk.

"_Oi kimi, namae wa nanoda_?" came a gruff question.

I stared.

And stared.

He must have seen questioning stare and sighed. More Japanese gibberish flowed from his mouth.

"_Ore no namae wa_.." There was a pregnant pause. "_Nanase_".

Did I just gave myself a name? And talked in Japanese?

Don't blame me, it was quite obvious that the man was talking Japanese, so I needed a Japanese name. 'When in Rome do as the Romans do' or at this case 'When in weird Japanese place, call yourself like weird Japanese people do'

The man was pleased that I was able to talk and gave me a small smile. He talked a little more, but all I understood was that he was questioning me.

I just managed to stammer out a "_E-eto.. Yoku wakaranai desu_".

Then he looked at me as if I was crazy

"_Kotoba ga wakaranai no_?" He asked, appalled.

Oh, otaku in me understood that much.

"_Hai.."_ I quietly mumbled.

He still looked at me as if I was crazy, but relaxed his frame. Then he took a canteen from the small table on his right, and passed it on to me. I watched it warily, but took it altogether, because of how thirsty I felt. After I hungrily sucked out all the water, I lowered the canteen and looked at the man.

He was wearing a simple and worn brown yukata, his hair was an interesting shade of green, and he had sandals.

Man, he must be cool. He's the first person in this world that I saw wearing shoes.

So what was with all this Japanese thing? Did I got into some sort of Japanese afterlife?

As if knowing what I was thinking, the man tried to communicate with me with hand signs. Wait. Was he asking if I just died recently?

I just nodded dumbly. It was as if my nod explained everything.

He looked around the hut, sighed once again and looking like he was giving up on communicating via hand signs.

"_Koko wa_ _Soul Society_ _da. Shinda ningen no iru basho_".

Oh I understood the key word that implied that he was talking about a place, and he clearly stated the name of this place. All I could do was stare more dumbly than before as only one word swirled in my head.

**_What?_**

Wasn't Soul Society a place from Bleach? Like the manga Bleach? Like the fictional place?

I think at that moment my head might have exploded.

How can I be in a place that doesn't even exist? This whole situation really was getting on my nerves.

But the man wasn't going to let me go into hysterics. He stood up, walked to the bed I was currently sitting on, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"_Ochitsuke_". That single word calmed me down immediately. I don't know if it was his firm tone, or the strange feeling of reassurance that his voice gave me.

I looked up at him. At close he looked no older than twenty-five, but his green were filled with intelligence that no one his age could have had. If this place was really Soul Society, then this man could possibly be a few hundred years old.

"_Watashi wa dekiru kagiri kimi ga taskeru,_" he said somewhat gently.

I didn't really understand what he said, but his tone set me at ease. Even if I was in some fictional place, maybe this man could really help me?

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"Hey Nana, come here," came the same gruff voice that I came to know in the past year.

"I'm coming!" I shouted back somewhat annoyed that he once again pulled me out of my so much needed sleep.

After the episode one year ago, when I was freaking out about my not-so-normal situation and the man comforted me, he introduced himself as Sakurada Daisuke, a fisher who resided in a small and peaceful place somewhere near 40th district of East Rukongai. After a few months of living with him, he demanded nothing for my stay and even started to teach me things that were crucial in this world. First and most important : language. It was hard for me to learn and for him to teach, but now, after a full year, I understood almost everything and it was due his extremely patient personality and my prior knowledge of that ridiculously hard language. With kanji it was quite different, I was able to talk, but writing was another matter altogether. After a few times Daisuke had begrudgingly declared me hopeless at the art of Japanese writing, but he didn't give up on teaching me, so I wasn't giving up on learning either and I got better and better as the time went on. When about three months passed and I wasn't such a mute thing at Japanese, and I decided to ask Daisuke one thing that didn't give me peace. I asked him why he had saved me and he just told me that he liked to help people. I didn't really believe his statement, but didn't pry deeper.

Daisuke himself was a quite good looking man who liked to joke around most of the time. He kind of reminded me of my older brother, but as the sorrow gripped my heart, I quickly chased away the memory refreshing thought. There was a river, probably the same one that I stumbled upon when I just came here, about thirty feet from the hut, and that was where he liked to fish. At least once a week he transported his catch to the 40th district. Usually he spent almost all day traveling from the forest to the district, then selling the fish and coming back home. His catch was always small, because not many people needed food in here. One thing that irritated me to no end was that Daisuke never let me go with him to the district, because apparently I would attract too much attention in there. Even if it wasn't the 80th district, there was plenty of dangerous people there that would mean harm to me. I was very reluctant to agree, but deep down knew that what he said was true, so I never persisted going with him.

But let's return to the matter at hand.

I unwillingly fell out of my small bed, straightened out my light blue yukata (Daisuke's gift), and lazily went to where I heard his voice calling out. He stood outside the hut, near the narrow road that lead through the forest.

"I'm going out now," he stated simply "Do you need anything from the district?"

"No," I told him "And that is why you woke me up?" I obnoxiously demanded the next second.

As the months went, he was already accustoned to my not-so-girly and not-so-kind personality, and just gave me a kindhearted laught.

"Just wanted to make sure you will be okay."

I just arrogantly cocked my head and gave him my trademark 'what-do-you-think?' look.

"Okay, okay, I just wanted to make sure," he drawled out, voice amused.

I continued looking at him and indicating that he could leave already. Then he gave me one more look and proceeded to walk away.

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After Daisuke left, I went back to bed. When he wasn't around, I didn't seem to calm down, so all I did was stare at the ceiling in hopes that sleep would befall.

In this past year, I just couldn't piece events of my death together. I didn't even know why I was here and while I was in Soul Society, I never stepped a single feet out of the little forest that Daisuke resided in. I was genuinely curious of this place. Was it really like the manga portrayed? Was there really those kickass Shinigami running around and swinging Zanpakuto at hollows? The mere thought of it exited me to no end. I was always giddy to learn things here. I asked Daisuke lots of questions, which included things about Shinigami and Seireitei. The reason wasn't clear, but he answered my questions very unwillingly, so I backed off to muse alone in my head.

First weeks were tough to me. I was very thankful to him because when I would wake up from my sleep crying and desperately reaching for comfort like a five year old kid, Daisuke was more than willing to give it to me. I was happy being with him, learning with him, and he would sooth my sorrows away when they decided to come out to the surface. He was the only thing that I had here, the only one that I could trust.

And that was why I was currently very worried. The sun was already setting and there still wasn't any sign of Daisuke. At usual day, he would already be home, but maybe he was just drinking in some tavern?

I couldn't sleep all night, and Daisuke still wasn't back, so as the sun finally seeped through the small window, I collected my all resolve and got out of bed. I was a girl on mission. I won't scare off, I will look for him and I will find him.

I was bored anyways.

I quickly ran to the river, gave my face a good wash and set off the small road that led through the forest.

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I walked down the road, humming a tune from the past. I didn't really know where to look for him, the district or somewhere around it. But curiosity won and I started with the district

Gaining a more confident step, I strode more quickly.

After a few hours of walking, I finally reached the outskirts of the 40th district. It looked nothing like the district I came across one year ago. This one looked much more tidier, there were much more people, and the whole atmosphere was a lot more easy to handle.

Quickening my pace even more, I walked down the district, carefully looking for any sign of Daisuke.

After about a hour of aimless wandering through rough ground streets, I didn't even see a glimpse of him.

Then two old men talking to each other caught my attention.

"Did you hear what happened in the morning?" The taller and scrawnier inquired.

"Oh, about that hollow attack, huh?" The smaller one sighed then "It was quite awful, wasn't it?"

Excitement bubbled inside of me. Hollows? It would be the most obvious proof that this place is indeed Soul Society and that I wasn't going crazy. Because I unmistakably felt that way.

"Excuse me, but where that attack happened?" I demanded rapidly.

"And why such girl as yourself would want to know that, huh?" The small man with a dull brown mop of hair asked not very nicely.

My almost not exsisting social skills started to falter.

"Erm.."

The scrawnier man probably pittied me a little and decided to collaborate.

"There," He pointed at the less busier part of the district "If you go down that street to the end of the district, there is a field there. I heard that hollow attacked there," He supplied me.

"Thank you very much!" I promptly told them both and started running to the side of the district that the man pointed at like the cerberus itself was chasing me.

It took me about ten minutes to finally reach the place. It was a simple field of flowers, and to my dissapointment there were no shinigami or hollows, but there were evidently the traces of fightining : flattened ground and a bit of blood here ant there.

But then something caught my eye. Something that looked like a?.. As I slowly neared the stain of red, my heart skipped a beat.

Blood was staining the grass and flowers around the arm that was lying in the middle of the overgrown grass same braided piece of fabric that served as a bracelet was tied around the wrist of severed arm.

It was his hand.

Fear, raw and pure gripped my heart.

Until now, I only felt such fear when I neared my own death.

Eyes promptly shutting down to keep the already gathering tears from spilling, I fell on my knees.

And then screamed.

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Translation :  
1. _Hey you, what's your name?  
_ 2._ My name is ... Nanase.  
_ 3._ I-I don't really understand.  
_4. _You don't understand what I'm talking?  
5._ _Yes.._


End file.
